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 Joke Thread

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Ollie
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PostSubject: Joke Thread   Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:37 am

What is short and fat with a huge black cunt? Dawn French.
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Sgt Fury
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Mon Jan 04, 2010 1:25 am

Went to a brothel last night and asked how much it would cost for total humiliation.
37.50 answered the madam.
What do I get for 37.50 ?

Man. Utd shirt came the reply.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:18 pm

The Togo team bus was shot over 200 times and only 3 bullets hit the target! Local police are now looking to question their number one suspect......Emile Heskey
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Mon Jan 25, 2010 11:24 am

Rafael Benitez has compared Liverpool's current status to that of Haiti's. A crumbling shithole full of lifeless bodies where the only hope is money from the USA.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Mon Jan 25, 2010 11:25 am

Rhys Jones' killer Sean Mercer has been signed by Liverpool. A spokesman said "He's the only scouser we could find that can get his shots on target"
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:22 am

I hated paying 1.50 a minute on the phone to wank over sex stories.So I got a job at ChildLine.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:09 am

Just 3 buys food and bottled water for a family of 8 in Haiti.But on a serious note, Tesco are doing 4 cans of Stella for 2.99
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:25 am

The news report that Gary Glitter has slept with an 85 year old have been confirmed as false, it was actually a Haiti 5 year old.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:06 pm

What does the average Pakistani weigh?...sweets!
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Tired-Hippo
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:03 am

Oh dear.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Wed Feb 17, 2010 11:54 am

I lol'd...and so did several others.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Thu Feb 18, 2010 11:30 am

You can say a lot of bad things about peadophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:40 am

The Winter Olympics: letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:22 am

Katie Price & Alex Reid have reportedly split, whilst making sunday dinner Katie asked Alex to turn on the vegetables.She was appalled to see him giving her son Harvey a wank.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Mon Mar 22, 2010 12:26 pm

Me and my mate saw a fat bird in the pub the other night. I said "Excuse me love, me and my mate wanna give you one".She said "How dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you".I said "I wouldnt go near you either, we was giving you a mark out of 10 ya fat cunt".
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:20 am

I walked past the grave of a kid who died from a mephedrone (meow meow) overdose the other day. I couldn't help but refelect on what a pointless waste of a young life it was. On the plus side, the flowers his family had planted were coming on a treat.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Fri Apr 23, 2010 7:57 am

There once was a young girl called Maddie.She had such an irresponsible daddy.Snatched from her bed,she's probably dead.Raped by a Portuguese baddy.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:15 am

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Icelandic volcano? Madeleine only ruined one holiday.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Thu May 27, 2010 11:24 am

Three dead prostitutes in West Yorkshire, police have found a poem which reads:

I come from Bradford,
I've got a big knife,
Ive killed three prozzies,
...I'll kill your wife.

Police believe he could be the Yorkshire Rapper.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Sat May 29, 2010 7:10 am

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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:31 am

Derrick Bird has been called up to the England squad by Fabio Capello.
He has had more shots on target in one day that Emile Heskey has all
season.
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Sgt Fury
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:42 am

Well that comes as a huge surprise.

TAXI FOR OLLIE
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:44 am

Tory government job losses are coming. 3 Prostitutes in Bradford have been axed and now 12 Cumbrians get the bullet.
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Ollie
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:59 am

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Jamal Umbongo aged 6.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread   Sat Jun 19, 2010 5:51 pm

Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow?

Because when they get off the plane and into a taxi they say, 'HARROW!!'.
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