cos i am just completely past the point where i have any mystique lets drain out the rest with this conclusive diary in which i will unabashedly show you why i am what i am.
I don't sleep.
I'll start today.
got home from work around 11, to find bf's stuff splayed around front room. don't care but then I'm pretty fucking messy. he left stuff all over the bed again so i'll probably sleep on the bed upstairs. i have 7 essays to do and they're not going away. i say i did one today, what i actually did was write out the main body i still haven't hacked out the 3 questions. they're due friday, including another 7 which i haven't even attempted, bar one, which i have some stuff scribbled down for. stuff i don't understand anymore.
lovely. i will procrastinate 3 million times a minute. it's not crippling like it was year before last leading to me leaving my course but it's still fucking pretty bad. i'm gonna flunk the year even tho got 70's so far. it's all tumbling down. i feel it. i haven't had any sleep. i spent the night reading shitty forums severely procrastinating the fact i have so much shit to do. at 9 i have lab. i haven't gotten a shower yet and i have lab 9-1, then work 5-10. i won't get any sleep today at all. that's more than 24 hours without sleep.
also as part of browsing porn and procrastinating, i bought webcam porn and watched some guy jack off. mainly to watch his nervous, consumer satisfaction mcdonalds smile. but also because i wanted to push it. and i feel scummy, i'm not sure how my boyfriend would feel. i am sure i feel baddddd. we have no real rule on this. it's not physical, and it's online. but then it's not just a static image or a video. it's me paying some loser to do whatever i want.