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 Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics

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BRYN_BORANGA
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PostSubject: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:19 am

TH-TH-TH-TH-THREAD TRANSPLANT!!!!!!

1) Des'ree - Life
I don't want to see a ghost / It's the sight that I fear most / I'd rather have a piece of toast / Watch the evening news. This doesn't even have an air of rushed homework to it - it sounds like it's being made up on the spot. Like I don't wanna get gout / It's the thing I can do without / I'd rather have a bit of trout / Watch the ten-minute freeview. I just made that up on an hour and a half's sleep, and it's nearly of the same standard. Des'ree would rather eat toast than be scared shitless by a class 5 full roaming vapour. I'd rather have a pot of yoghurt than be sexually assaulted by a Chippendale too, but I'm hardly gonna write a fucking song about it. Or maybe I will. Watch out for 'Munch Bunch Beefy Rape Blues', cumming soon.

2) Elvis Presley - Teddy Bear
I've always fucking hated this song. Elvis sounds like such a pussy on it. For someone who was meant to be the most dangerous pile of raw sex at the time, he's singing lines like I don't wanna be a tiger / Cos tigers play too rough....I just wanna be your Teddy Bear. He might as well have sung I don't wanna fuck you senseless / Cos fucking's too much fun / I just wanna hug your picture / And put your hair in a bun. The lyrics sound like they've been written by someone with severe learning difficulties, and they're endlessly repeated by winking, middle-aged creeps on karaoke. These cunts have no intention of being fucking teddy bears. They've probably got chloroform in their pockets.

3) Aerosmith - Pink
PIIIIINNNK IT'S LIKE RED BUT NOT QUI-ITE. For someone who looks like a MILF hiding a coathanger in her mouth, Steven Tyler has a lot of nerve leaving the house anyway. After actually writing that line, not scribbling it out and actually saying it in front of a bunch of people, then recording it and letting the whole WORLD hear it, you have to wonder whether he actually gives a fuck about anything anymore. He might as well have sung TUUURRRD, TURD-TURD-TURD-TURD-TURD-TU-UH-URD

4) I'm sick of this now. You do it for me.
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BRYN_BORANGA
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:26 am

Is this thread what we need....or are we killing the seed?




Yes, Peter Andre may be Sarcasm Monthly's '#1 Most Difficult Person To Make Fun Of', but seriously, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with this. And check out the vocals - piss-weak throughout obv, but the improvisational flourish at around 1.41 is particularly excruciating. That's what I sound like when I'm taking a drunken dump in the shower.
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BRYN_BORANGA
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:29 am

I can't believe I forgot the daddy of fuck-awful lyrics:



I'm having a manic Saturday. Just as well this is my I-don't-have-to-turd-day.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:39 am

Another from the disbanded group of intellectual heavyweights erstwhile known as Blue:

It's gonna be troublin'
You and me bubblin'


Unless this song is about the sun crashing into the earth, or maybe a couple taking an erotic bath together after eating a big box of onion bhajis, it makes FUCK ALL SENSE.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:39 am

1. Blur "It really really really could happen.."
2. Kate nash "I use mouthwash, sometimes i floss..."
3. Tingtings "They call me stacy, thats not my name.. thats not my name"
4. Beatles "We all live in a yellow submarine.."
5. R Kelly "I believe I can fly.. I believe I can touch the sky.."
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:44 am

Talking about R Kelly, I think his Gotham City song deserves a mention.

City of justice, city of love
City of peace for every one of us


.....has he ever seen Batman? The place is in a state of perpetual fucking PANDEMONIUM.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:48 am

He's deluded. Didnt he do a song about trying to time travel, or am I confusing him for someone else?
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BRYN_BORANGA
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:52 am

Nope, that was him. Something like If I could turn back the hands of time, I'd write this song before Cher did hers and probably be a bit more careful about who I fuck. How do I know so much about R Kelly?
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:55 am

I don't know.

I almost forgot that ace of base one "LIfe is a flower...."
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:12 am

I nominate The Corrs, but you have to read their lyrics to I Never Really Loved You Anyway to see why.

Another that grates is the start of Never Ever. "A few questions that I need to know..." proceeded by a list of questions delivered in the manner of Vikki Pollard. You already have the questions, Shaznay. It's the answers you need to know.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:35 am

ANYthing by Scouting for Girls. I will genuinely give a cash reward to the first person who beats the whole band in their stupid fucking faces until they die.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:46 am

Spot on Pink. Fucking cunts of the highest orders. Walking abortions.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:04 am

Jesus Christ. I thought I was against the death penalty but they should bring it back for these arseholes. This offends every sensibilty I have:

I love the way she fills her clothes
She looks just like them girls in Vogue
I love the way she plays it cool
I think that she is beautiful

[chorus:]
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely

She's pretty, a fitty
She's got a boyfriend though and that's a pity
She's flirty, turned thirty
Ain't that the age a girl gets really dirty?

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes them hips
I love the way she makes me drool
I think that she is beautiful

[chorus]

A stunner, I wonder
Was she this fit when she was 10 years younger?
Come see me, discreetly
She said she's got a trick or two to teach me

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
[x3]

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

I think that you are lovely [x7]
I think that you are beautiful

[chorus]

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
[x5]

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:42 am

That's almost as bad as the Kook's Shine On. Have you actually heard how awful that is?

I'd very much like to have never come in contact with it's hideousness, but Xfm seem to pimp these two bags o'shite out like nothing. Unbelievably gash, the pair of 'em.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:38 am

I really does bugger belief with massive horse sized penis that these cretins are allowed to release this shite. I would LOVE to meet the person who first heard a SFG effort and encouraged them to release a whole album. Did I say 'meet'? I meant 'beat'. To death.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:36 am

Nickleback, Photograph. Spoilt for choice with this song but here are my personal favourites:

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head


Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:41 am

WOAH, MAN!!! DON'T DISS THE 'BACK, DUDE!!! THEY'RE GOOD, SOLID, HONEST, WORKADAY, WACKADAY, MEAT AND POTATOES, CABBAGE, SCOTCH EGG ROCK / ROLL!!!
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Pinkwood
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:55 am

I have personal experience of trying to 'work' with Chad - I'm not even shitting you. He is an A-hole of the highest order. And I spelt Nickelback wrong. Every verse of that song is a symphony of nonsensical shite:

I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:56 am

Pinkwood wrote:
wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

I laughed out loud.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:00 am

So did I. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:08 am

Oh yeah, and tell us about Chad, what he gets up to, what makes him tick sexcetera. He's so dreamy!
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:16 am

Addictive song, bollocks lyrics.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:21 am

But I was there when there was nobody home
Please believe me when i say i dunno
Gone for good infact but what does it mean
Within a year they always sold and bought

WTF??!!!

Chad had a nose job and then proceeded to ensure all the profile shots of himself pre op were edited out of a TV show making it about half an hour too short and about a year late to air. What a wanker.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:22 am

"For 48 hours I don't think that we left my hotel room
Should show you the sights
Coz I'm sure that I said that I would
We gotta make love just one last time in the shower

Well something's gotta go wrong
Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good"

I feel soiled.
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PostSubject: Re: Top 5 Pathetic Lyrics   Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:23 pm

fall out boy -
"I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in, yeah"

actually, they're entire existance is an embarassment, and the fact that a band like them is succesful is shameful.
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